Saturday, January 9, 2016

It Hurts to Have Your Heart in More than One Place

Lately I've found myself missing things about South Asia that I never expected to miss. For example when the clock struck midnight to ring in the New Year it seemed so quiet here. I could barely hear any fireworks. Now in South Asia they know how to party. I'm not saying I always appreciated their partying abilities but they do know how and I found myself strangely missing it.

It's a strange and painful thing to have your heart in more than one place. I love being back in Louisville, KY. I love my job (Assistant Kids' Director at Sojourn Midtown),  my church (a good thing since I work for them), my coffee shops, my cozy apartment, and so many other things. I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be for this stage of my life.

But at the same time there are days I miss South Asia so much it hurts. I miss the cows roaming the streets, the sounds outside my window (but not the sound of pigeons–never the sound of pigeons), the cheap food, the chai, the colors, and the hospitality. Given, I don't miss the honking, the me-first attitudes, the unfriendly stares, the trash piles, or the attempts to rip me off because I was clearly a foreigner. I could name some other things I don't miss but that's not the point.

If I were to move back there it wouldn't be long at all before I would be missing KY and MS like I miss South Asia now. (I don't miss MS as much right now because it's at least driving distance.) It hurts. It's both a win-win and a lose-lose situation. Win-win because I've gotten to experience so many amazing things and meet so many amazing people. Lose-lose because I can't be everywhere my people and places are at once.

There's this strange feeling I have where I've been longing to be settled and establish community somewhere without an end date in sight but also I want to hop on a plane tomorrow and be somewhere else for a while. Somehow I have both these feelings at once sometimes and it doesn't make sense.

Ultimately I know that the world as it is is not our permanent home. God has created us for more but I'm thankful for the many places and people he has given me to love. I will continue to pour my heart out wherever God has me even though it may hurt sometimes.

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