It Hurts to Have Your Heart in More than One Place

Lately I've found myself missing things about South Asia that I never expected to miss. For example when the clock struck midnight to ring in the New Year it seemed so quiet here. I could barely hear any fireworks. Now in South Asia they know how to party. I'm not saying I always appreciated their partying abilities but they do know how and I found myself strangely missing it.

It's a strange and painful thing to have your heart in more than one place. I love being back in Louisville, KY. I love my job (Assistant Kids' Director at Sojourn Midtown),  my church (a good thing since I work for them), my coffee shops, my cozy apartment, and so many other things. I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be for this stage of my life.

But at the same time there are days I miss South Asia so much it hurts. I miss the cows roaming the streets, the sounds outside my window (but not the sound of pigeons–never the sound of pigeons), the cheap food, the chai, the colors, and the hospitality. Given, I don't miss the honking, the me-first attitudes, the unfriendly stares, the trash piles, or the attempts to rip me off because I was clearly a foreigner. I could name some other things I don't miss but that's not the point.

If I were to move back there it wouldn't be long at all before I would be missing KY and MS like I miss South Asia now. (I don't miss MS as much right now because it's at least driving distance.) It hurts. It's both a win-win and a lose-lose situation. Win-win because I've gotten to experience so many amazing things and meet so many amazing people. Lose-lose because I can't be everywhere my people and places are at once.

There's this strange feeling I have where I've been longing to be settled and establish community somewhere without an end date in sight but also I want to hop on a plane tomorrow and be somewhere else for a while. Somehow I have both these feelings at once sometimes and it doesn't make sense.

Ultimately I know that the world as it is is not our permanent home. God has created us for more but I'm thankful for the many places and people he has given me to love. I will continue to pour my heart out wherever God has me even though it may hurt sometimes.

Bucket List

Is there a better term? Moving list? Wish list? To do list? ??? "Bucket list" isn't quite the right term here, but I couldn't think of anything better. :\

I'm only going to be gone for two years. That's really not that long, but I do have a list of things I would like to do in Louisville and back home in Mississippi before I ship out. Some things are things I've been meaning to do for a while and just haven't gotten around to. Others are things that I love, and want to squeeze in a few more visits. Hanging out as much as possible with friends and family is a "duh," and, therefore, not on the lists.

Louisville List (In no particular order):

1. Big Four Walking Bridge–I actually just did this, but I want to go again at sunset with my camera.
2. Louisville Zoo
3. Louisville Bats Game
4. Visit my favorite local coffee shops as much as possible without going broke. (Vint and Quills)
5. Eat at two or three of the places I haven't been to that people have told me I must try. (Hammerheads is the main one I can think of that my CG keeps telling me about.)
6. Go on more walks at parks, particularly my favorite, Cherokee Park.
7. Serve as photographer at least one more time at my church, Sojourn. (Doing that tomorrow.)

Mississippi (Jackson/Ridgeland/Madison area) List:

1. Eat at Keifer's (My favorite Greek restaurant)
2. Eat crawfish
3. Hang out in my backyard, by the lake, in my hammock. 

Okay, so my MS list isn't very long because I mainly want to spend time at home with my family, and eat. haha The things I do in MS are not as much about places as they are about people. That sounds like Louisville isn't about people, which is not true at all. Honestly, I would love to do the things on my lists, but I would be just as happy simply hanging out with the people I care about...preferably a few at a time so I get more quality time with them. :) (Plus I'm an introvert.)

I'm sure I'm forgetting some things I would put on my lists so tell me what would be on yours.

Louisville people, what would be on your list?
And Mississippi people, what would be on yours?

Next Step

Well, I did it. I officially a graduated from Southern Seminary with a Master of Divinity degree last friday. A friend and I were talking at my graduation party about how weird the term "Master of Divinity" is because I am no where near a master of divinity. If seminary has taught me anything it's that I can never learn all there is to learn about God. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know...and I think that's awesome. Our God is an infinite God. If we could learn everything, then he wouldn't be God. As someone who likes learning, I find that pretty cool. There's always something new to learn. Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent.

Graduating!

For the most part, people know that my next step is moving to South Asia. The main questions I've been asked are about my timeline and if I'm excited. (Timeline = leave Louisville at the end of June for Mississippi, followed by training in VA for 8 weeks at the end of July, then heading to South Asia at the beginning of Oct.) That's more of a loaded question than I think anyone realizes. I always tell people that I have mixed emotions. I am excited but I'm also sad and scared and so many different emotions all at once. And that's okay.

I've come to realize that it's okay for me to be sad and scared. In fact, I think it's even a good thing. I'm sad because God has blessed me with a wonderful community in Louisville and a wonderful family back home in Mississippi, which makes leaving hard. I'm glad that leaving is hard because it means I have wonderful people in my life that make it hard. I'm thankful for technology, but it's not the same as being in the same place with the people I love.

Like these people (not around them enough as it is):

Family
Daddy, Momma, Taylor, Me, & Lindsey

And these people:

Community Group
Jack, Christi, Lowell, Dustin, Ben, Meghan, Eric, Laura, Josh, Me, & Trey

Also these:

Jamie, Liz, Me, & Becca
Former hallmates/roommate

 And her:

Me & Sharon
Former Roommate

And many other people. I've experienced being separated from friends and family before. My best friend, Lindsay, lives in Africa right now. My family is 9 hrs away in Mississippi. Laura Leigh and her precious new baby are 6 hrs away in Memphis.

I knew one family when I moved to Louisville, and I have come to love this place. Honestly, I'm not worried about making friends when I move to South Asia. I already have some friends there, and I know I'm going to make many more friends. I'm simply sad to be leaving my community here.

It's also okay for me to be scared. I don't feel adequate, and I'm not. I'm not some super Christian. I struggle with self-discipline and making time for the things that are important and not just "good." I struggle with feeling like if I can't do something perfect, then why do it at all. I'm not a super outgoing person. Small talk isn't my thing. The thing is, because of these weaknesses I know that anything God does through me to bring anyone closer to him is all his doing. I can't save people. I'm not adequate. I'm not perfect. But God can use me. He uses our weaknesses to show that he is strong, and that's freeing.

I don't know what my plans are beyond these next two years, but I'm okay with that. I know that moving to South Asia for the next two years is God's plan for me, because my own plans were pulled out from under me in a big way not once, but twice, and everything has worked out better than I could have planned on my own. I fell in love with Louisville, and I have no doubt that I will fall in love with South Asia as well. I'm excited, scared, sad, and thrilled about this next step in my journey. Please keep me in your prayers, and feel free to email me (rushingalr@gmail.com) to learn more about my move or anything really.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

My Plans Are Not My Own

©Allison Rushing

Over the years I have learned to hold plans loosely, but sometimes God still has to beat it into my head that my plans are not mine at all.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

 This is one of those times where my plans changed, but I know that God is so much bigger than my plans. I'm not saying I handled it well...I bawled me eyes out in front of people I barely knew.

I never know quite where to start when I'm telling people about my plans to head to S. Asia because this has been a slow chipping away process over many years. It started when I went to Greece in 2008. I realized on that trip that I could use my skills in media to share my faith overseas. Through a series of events, this lead to me applying for and getting into seminary...Southwestern Seminary. If you know me, then you know that's not where I wound up. I'm in Louisville at Southern Seminary and loving it here.

My change in seminary plans is the first time I had big plans completely pulled out from under me. SWBTS used to have a media program. I was planning on doing this program and moving there right after working at camp in TX summer of '09. It was on my last 24 hr period off that my mom called me and told me she couldn't find that emphasis on their website anymore. She woke me up with a call that morning to inform me that she talked to the school and they no longer offered that emphasis.

Getting this type of news right as you wake up is not pleasant...and your emotions aren't very rational when you're awoken like that. I started questioning what I was doing with my life. Was I supposed to go to seminary? I've graduated college. I'm working at a summer camp. I don't have a backup plan. WHAT AM I DOING?! Those were the thoughts going through my mind. Thankfully a friend of mine calmed me down, we continued with our plans for the day, and my parents and I started contacting anyone we knew who might be able to help.

My former pastor, Dr. Sills, was one of the people my parents contacted, and he responded with a long email about the M.Div. Great Commission emphasis at SBTS. I was told I could get in on special student status. I don't really remember my thought process that day, but I decided to go for it. The next day I was in at SBTS and had housing available in the dorms. I drove the 10 hrs home from camp at the end of the week, got in at 1 in the morning, then headed to Louisville early the next morning. I was the last girl to move into the dorms, and classes started the day after I got to Southern. I'm pretty sure I was in seminary culture shock for at least my first month. I have fallen in love with this city and my church here. Leaving will be incredibly hard, but this experience is one I can look back on and see firsthand how God has been faithful. His plans are so much better than my own. (Side note: I came to seminary with the idea of doing some sort of media ministry.)

Fast-forward to this past summer when I went to Nepal. I fell in love with the people there, and with the vision of Sojourn. This renewed my interest in heading overseas and I began the application process. I was accepted and thought another girl from Sojourn would be going to the same conference as me, but that fell through. Just days after that fell through, I was contacted by someone asking if I was interested in doing media since they saw I had a background in it.

Of course I was interested. There were emails back and forth until right before I went to the conference where I would be putting job/location preferences. I thought the job I wanted was a sure thing. I love photography and was excited to get to combine my passions. The conference was from a Wed. evening to a Sat. morning. Friday I was told that I needed to meet with the head photographer. I had no clue that I would be meeting with him while at this conference, and it didn't go well. Once again, my plans were suddenly changing. I walked out of the room and started sobbing and asking God why. I knew though. I knew I was too set on my own plans, and that he had better plans for me. I was still upset, but I knew that plans were out of my hands at this point. I had a night to figure out which jobs to put down as my top three choices when everyone else had been figuring this out for the past few days. Whatever happened was exactly what God had planned for me. I had my past experience with my seminary plans to show me that.

I believe God used the possibility of that media job to open me up to the location. I don't know if I would have considered this particular city if it weren't for those emails and some friends of mine also moving to this same city. I wasn't surprised at all when I got the phone call letting me know I had been matched to a job in S. Asia. It hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm truly excited about the future. I'm also quite nervous, and there are many days I don't feel adequate. And you know what, I'm not adequate. But with His strength I am.

Specific ways you can pray for me:
• That I don't let the busyness of my last semester keep me from being in the Word.
• That my various transitions from Louisville to MS to VA to S. Asia go smoothly.
• That I don't let goodbyes keep me from being present wherever I'm currently located.
• That I don't let emotions (about my adequacy, goodbyes, learning a new culture, etc.) overrule what I know to be true.

Sorry this post was so long, but it's hard to tell my story in an abbreviated manner...and this was somewhat abbreviated! ha

Fresh Start

Decided to give this blogging thing another go. This isn't my first time blogging, but I decided to go for a fresh start because I hated my old design, and it was just easier to start over, so welcome to Adventures of an Allison!

These posts will be, simply, whatever is on my mind...photography, school, travel, what God is teaching me, etc. I tend to be a sporadic blogger, so I apologize now for that, but I'm going to try to be better this time around.

I'll use this first post to tell you a little about myself. I'm sure if you're reading this, there's a good chance you know me, but maybe you'll learn something new. :)

I feel like my life has been an adventure, hence the name of this blog. I currently live in Louisville, KY, and am in grad school as a seminary student. The decision to come to Louisville was made a week before I moved here...as I said, my life has been an adventure. I've been here since Fall '09, and have come to love this place. I'll be graduating in May with my M.Div., which is both exciting and scary. I feel like I've been in school all my life, so it's weird to think about being done soon. In fact, I don't let myself think about leaving Louisville and my friends here because, while I'm excited about the future, I'll cry if I start thinking about saying goodbye to people here.

Once I graduate, I'll be in Louisville through the end of June, then home to Mississippi for a few weeks before moving to Virginia for two months, then off to S. Asia for two years! I'll save that story for another post.

Some basics facts about me:
Name: Allison
Family: Parents (Lane & Judy), and two younger sisters (Lindsey & Taylor)
Education: SBTS working on my M.Div.; Mississippi College, B.S. Graphic Design
Location: Currently in Louisville, KY but from Ridgeland, MS and soon to be in S. Asia

Favorites:
Color: Teal/Turquoise
Book: Harry Potter Series...I love fiction in general. I'm trying to make myself reread the classics I had to read in high school now that I'll enjoy them more. Rereading Pride & Prejudice now.
TV: Bones (I'm a sucker for Crime Dramas...weird?), New Girl (Should I admit to liking it as much as I do?), Gilmore Girls (Miss it!)
Music: Sojourn (my church has seriously good music), NEEDTOBREATHE, Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors, Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz, Ben Rector, Mumford & Sons, the Lumineers, etc.
Food: I'll try just about anything once. I'm not picky. I grew up eating good Cajun, so that's definitely a favorite.

Other miscellaneous facts: My church is wonderful. If you live in Louisville, you should check out Sojourn. I'm at the East campus. Joining a community group is a great way to get to know some people and form great friendships, see:

Also, I love photography. Check out my work on Flickr and on my FB page!

Anyway, that's a little about me...hope you enjoy the blog! I look forward to getting back into blogging.  Feel free to subscribe to keep up with my posts. :)
–Allison–